I walked into my co-worker’s room the other day to tell her this: “I just finished this book called Battle Hymn … Tiger something by a Chinese lady name Chua … AND SHES CRAZY! SHES FREAKING CRAZY!!”
Despite that crazy outburst, this book filled me with horrible and fond memories as I traveled back in time to my own childhood. I wasn’t allowed to go to sleep-overs. I had screaming matches with … actually, my DAD about having to practice piano every day. I had no summer or winter breaks as a stack of books (one for every school subject) greeted me at the end of the “last day of school.” I wasn’t allowed to do what I wanted, I had to do what they told me to do. And absolutely no talking back or questioning what my parents said because I would then be an ungrateful, shameful, disgraceful daughter bringing dishonor to my parents and the family.
I explained this book to my dad who shook his head in disapproval. Yes, he disapproves. Granted, Amy Chua was absolutely one of the most extreme “tiger moms” out there, but I know he and my mom had both utilized this mentality and this way of upbringing on me. Was he just denying that his methods were not as harsh or disapproving the way that she raised her kids for future generations to follow? I’m not sure. There was a lot of wine involved.
Reflecting on the child rearing methods of the tiger mom, I’m not sure it is necessary for us to implement it anymore. I am 2nd generation – born and raised in the US and going through the US education system. My parents are 1st generation, having immigrated to the states after the age of 20 with little to nothing and making a new a life here.
In my opinion, I believe that my parents were strict with me and wanted me to succeed through the US education system because it opens up a lot of doors; doors that were closed to them. Because they couldn’t speak English, did not understand the culture, did not know the justice system or any other systems for that matter, their future consisted of working blue collar jobs and working their ass off in every way possible. My parents did not want to see their kids having to work physical labor, or being discriminated against or being made fun of because we were different; a minority.
This however is not the case anymore. The 2nd + generations are moving in and we are well educated and familiar with the US culture.
So the bottom line for me – am I going to be tiger mom should one day I have kids? Probably. At least to a certain degree. Why? Because there is something about pushing your kids, having your kids be well educated and having music and/or sports in their daily lives (Drama is not an extra-curricular). I’m not quite sure what it is – perhaps a sense of accomplishment when they accomplish, a sense of well-roundedness, a certain pride in knowing answers, the drive to find new ideas and find ways to save the world perhaps? Ok, that’s my own dream. But it is better than letting the TV babysit or allow them to do what they want (eat ice cream, watch tv, play video games, shopping?) all the time. I like discipline.
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