And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over
And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over ... No.
-- Kelly Clarkson
So many things have happened in the past month that I was away from all the blogging, facebooking, etc. While I keep them all in my thoughts, I'd rather not articulate here because ... well, frankly speaking, I'm tired and I'm lazy. Ha!
I just wanted to leave the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's song called "Sober." She quoted that everyone has something that they are addicted to ... whether its a thing, or a person ... and when you decide to curb your addiction, you leave behind so much of yourself to become this idealistic "better person." You take with you so much fear ... fear that you'll crash and burn, fear that you'll break down, fear that you won't make it, fear that you'll lose yourself.
People always say things turn out in the end ... well fuck them! It's just not so liberating nor is it very comforting to "think" or "know" or "believe" that things will turn out in the end. Not when "in the end" hasn't come yet and you're just sitting there terrified, your heart beating like crazy.
Bar studying sucks ... Fail or Pass ... It's been an intriguing journey so far!
